Otherwise known as “dead butt syndrome,” the condition appears in people with “under-active glutes,” whose infirm rears force other muscles in the back, knees, and hips to overcompensate. “Aches and pains? You could have ‘Dormant Butt Syndrome’” exclaims an article from CBS News you couldn’t pay me not to click on. Today, I learned that flat butts are actually a medical condition, and I no longer need to suffer alone in silence. I no longer feel guilty watching Snap stories of Khloe Kardashian doing squats instead of doing squats myself. But today I would like to announce that I have finally been freed from my flat-butt insecurities. For many years I have ignorantly assumed that the flatness of my butt was my fault: I was simply born genetically unblessed, destined for every cookie I consumed to travel straight to my ab (I have one).
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